*This is the first post in a series that feature various art illustrations that depict a season and a song from my debut EP, that was released 2 years ago. Art and illustration by Marian Yap. Concept and layout by Timo Ong.
If I were to be honest, the journey really started in the summer of 2016. Or maybe it was the spring. I was finishing up my one year on staff with The Navigators in Boston and felt the Lord calling me to stay, for at least another year. I was excited but nervous because I had to apply for a visa, which was not guaranteed and could take awhile. I was thankful that Navigators was willing to apply on my behalf and so my application was submitted in March. I remember when the semester ended and I had to say goodbye to my students and how hard it was because I didn’t know if I would be back. Deep inside I really felt a peace and knew that the Lord had called me and in which case, He will make a way but I couldn’t know for sure…
By the time the summer came around, I was still waiting but because my work authorization had ended, I was in limbo where I couldn’t leave the country nor could I get paid even though I was still working with Navs. Still, the Lord provided all my needs and so much more, that’s a whole different story on it’s own!
Many days I wrestled with the question: will the visa come? When? I was starting to get tired of waiting. (Ironically enough, the previous 2 posts were written in this season and speak to that place). But, it’s also in that waiting where I met God in such a special way. And the wrestling within my soul was too much to the point where I had to get it out, somehow. Which was when God resurfaced a desire and dream I’ve had to write songs. For a long time, I battled with insecurity and comparing myself to other singers, songwriters, you name it. I felt like maybe I was just called to lead worship and sing other people’s songs. But I remember a specific conversation with God where He asked me why is it that I wanted to write and who was I trying to become? I lost that one….
I knew then, that the song I wanted to write was going to be one that will be about trusting God and His faithfulness. 2 Timothy 2:13 says that if we are faithless, he remains faithful – for he cannot deny himself. I knew then, that I could trust Him even in times of uncertainty because His faithfulness will not change and even if, the outcome wasn’t what I was hoping for, He is still worthy of my trust because His character is unchanging. And when I thought about how He had been faithful in my past, especially since leaving home in 2011 for a foreign land and all He had done for me since then, I knew that this was just another thing I could trust Him with.
Fast forward to the fall, a new school year had started but I still received no news. In fact, the only thing I heard was that it was going to take longer (than the 3-5 months it normally does). One specific weekend, I was on my way to JHOP (Justice House of Prayer) to attend a prayer set. I was having a conversation with God and really bringing my heart before Him. He asked a simple question: What are you most afraid of in this season? To which I responded: the uncertainty and if I am to leave I want to know because I want to start saying goodbye. And what He drew me to in that moment was the following verse from Matthew 28:18-20: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” As Christians, we talk about the Great Commission a lot and especially as Navigators. But the part that stood out to me was about authority. The Lord showed me that I was waiting for my authority (to stay and do what He had called me to) from the government but He had already given me His authority.
In that moment, I received the answer I was looking for. It wasn’t one that described the length of time I was to serve, it wasn’t about what exactly He was going to do but it was about Him who had called me and that’s all I needed to know. And that morning after the prayer set, one of my friends prayed for me and gave me a word about going back to a place of worship and taking my mind off the situation. Which I did and even though I thought about it occasionally, I didn’t quite worry or wrestle with it any longer. A few weeks later, I was sitting by a piano and started to sing ‘Won’t go till You say go, I’ll trust and I will follow’. And true enough, I found out the next day that my visa was approved!!! Praise God!
I don’t think I had planned to tell the whole story but I felt like someone needed to hear it so there goes. :). I pray that you are encouraged and know that God is faithful and will come through, even if it’s not in your time, His timing is truly good! You can find more videos of the song in the Music tab of my site. God bless!!